Why “Fake It Till You Make It” is the WORST Advice Ever!
You’ve probably heard the phrase “Fake it till you make it” thrown around in the world of self-improvement, especially when it comes to building confidence. On the surface, it sounds like a simple and effective way to trick your mind into feeling more capable and confident. You just put on a smile, stand a little taller, and soon enough, you’ll feel the confidence you’re trying to portray, right?
Well, not exactly.
Fake it till you make it doesn’t really work in real life. It might work in the entertainment industry maybe a movie scene or a runway show but let’s be real, life isn’t scripted.
While the “fake it till you make it” mentality has its place in some areas of personal growth, when it comes to real, lasting confidence, this approach often falls short!
Here’s why:-
1) It Creates Internal Conflict
The biggest issue with the “fake it till you make it” approach is that it creates an internal conflict. On one hand, you’re trying to convince the world that you’re confident, and on the other, your mind knows you’re faking it. This inner tension leads to feelings of imposter syndrome.
You may look like you have it all together on the outside, but deep down, you’re not feeling confident at all. Instead of feeling empowered, you start to feel like a fraud. This self-doubt creeps in and undermines any confidence boost you might get from pretending to be something you’re not.
2) It Focuses on the External, Not the Internal
“Fake it till you make it” encourages you to focus on your appearance, your words, and your actions—things that others can see. The idea is that if you act like you’re confident, people will believe you are. But true confidence isn’t about what’s visible on the outside. It’s about how you feel on the inside.
If you’re not doing the inner work to feel confident at a core level, all the surface-level actions won’t bring you the results you’re craving. Confidence is an inner state, and without addressing the fears, limiting beliefs, and past experiences that hold you back, faking it will only keep you stuck.
3) It Doesn’t Address The Root of Self-Doubt
When you constantly tell yourself to “fake it,” you’re ignoring the real reasons behind your self-doubt. Maybe it’s childhood experiences, societal conditioning, or past failures that have created a fear of judgment and rejection. These deeper issues won’t be solved by just acting confident.
If you’re serious about building lasting confidence, you have to address the root causes of your self-doubt. It’s about healing your inner wounds and transforming your beliefs about who you are. Without doing this foundational work, any confidence you appear to have is just a mask you’re wearing, not a true reflection of your self-worth.
4) It’s Mentally and Emotionally Draining
Pretending to be something you’re not is exhausting. Keeping up a facade takes energy, and this can lead to burnout. Instead of feeling empowered by confidence, you’re drained by the constant need to “perform.” This is especially true when you’re pushing yourself to act confidently in situations where you’re feeling terrified or vulnerable.
Rather than boosting your energy and making you feel capable, “faking it” can leave you feeling emotionally and mentally fatigued. Over time, this constant strain can make it harder to act authentically, ultimately doing more harm than good.
5) It Leads to Overcompensation
The “fake it till you make it” mentality often encourages overcompensation. This means that instead of showing up with true confidence, you may push yourself to perform in ways that don’t feel aligned with who you are. You might over-explain, seek constant validation, or try to prove your worth, all of which can make you appear less confident, not more.
When you’re “faking it,” you’re not giving yourself permission to be imperfect, to learn, or to grow. Confidence isn’t about being flawless; it’s about embracing yourself as you are. When you overcompensate, you’re inadvertently telling yourself that you’re not enough just as you are.
Now that we’ve explored why “fake it till you make it” doesn’t cut it, let’s look at what actually works when it comes to building real, lasting confidence.
Here’s what actually works!
1) Healing the Root Causes of Self-Doubt
True confidence starts from the inside. To get rid of the internal conflict that comes from faking it, you need to heal the fears and insecurities that are holding you back. This means going beyond the surface level and exploring why you struggle with self-doubt in the first place.
For example, you may have grown up in a family that valued perfectionism or received messages that you weren’t enough just as you were. These experiences become ingrained in your subconscious, influencing how you show up in the world. By addressing and healing these wounds, you can create a new, empowered narrative for yourself.
2) Rewiring Your Subconscious Beliefs
To truly feel confident, you need to rewire the subconscious beliefs you have about yourself. If you’ve spent years believing you’re not good enough or that you’re not worthy of success, no amount of “faking it” will change that.
Through techniques like inner child healing, we can tap into those deep-seated beliefs and transform them. When you shift how you feel about yourself at a cellular level, your external confidence naturally follows. You no longer have to pretend because you’ll truly believe in your worth, regardless of what others think or how you look.
3) Cultivating Self-Trust
Self-trust is the foundation of true confidence. When you trust yourself, you know you’ll be able to handle whatever comes your way, even in the face of fear or uncertainty. This doesn’t mean you never experience doubt or anxiety. It means that you’ve developed the confidence to trust your own judgment and handle challenges with grace.
Building self-trust comes from small, consistent actions where you honor your own needs, make decisions that align with your values, and show up for yourself every day. As you begin to trust yourself more, confidence will become your natural state.
4) Creating Safety in Your Nervous System
Many people struggle with confidence because their nervous system is in a constant state of fight-or-flight. This is often the result of past trauma or negative experiences that made you feel unsafe or rejected.
To build lasting confidence, you need to work on creating safety in your body. This might involve deep relaxation techniques, mindfulness practices, and emotional regulation strategies that help calm your nervous system and create a sense of inner peace. When your body feels safe, you can show up confidently, without fear of judgment or failure.
5) Embodying Confidence
True confidence isn’t something you fake—it’s something you embody. This means showing up as your authentic self, no matter what. When you’ve done the inner work, confidence becomes a natural expression of who you are. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being real.
Embodying confidence means accepting your imperfections and trusting that you are worthy of love, respect, and success just as you are. When you stop pretending to be someone you’re not, you can start to embrace the beautiful, unique person that you are.
6) Nurturing Your Self-Worth
At the core of true confidence is a deep sense of self-worth. This goes beyond external validation or accomplishments. It’s about recognising and honouring your inherent value, regardless of what you achieve or how others perceive you. Nurturing your self-worth means accepting that you are worthy of love, success, and all the good things life has to offer, just because you exist.
To cultivate self-worth, practice self-compassion, forgive yourself for past mistakes and most importantly stop seeking approval from others. Learn to celebrate your uniqueness and understand that you don’t need to “prove” your worth through performance or external recognition. When you nurture your self-worth, confidence follows naturally because you know that you’re enough, just as you are.
The key is to do the deep inner work that transforms your mindset, heals old wounds, and shifts your beliefs about yourself.
So, let’s be real: “Fake it till you make it” is a shortcut to nowhere. You can’t hustle your way to true confidence by pretending to be something you’re not. Confidence isn’t some costume you put on; it’s a vibe, a mindset and a damn powerful energy that comes from within.
Stop faking it.
Heal those old wounds, rewrite those limiting beliefs and start trusting yourself.
Confidence is a journey, not a performance, and guess what?
You’re already worthy of it all.
Now go out there and shine, because the world needs your authentic, unapologetic self.
No masks, no faking; just the real you!
