The Modern World & Modern Dating!

Gone are the days of Romeo- Juliet, Heer- Ranjha, Laila- Majnu. Ones of intense passionate love affairs. A love so pure that you were ready to kill or be killed for the sake of your lover. A time when love was the most treasured thing. 

But this 21st-century love looks like some parallel reality! 

Love today is a lost noun that ceases to exist in today’s modern world. The only glimpse we have of it is in movies and novels. And true lovers are like unicorns; a mythical rarity! The only happy ending you will ever see is in movies, that too because the movie has to end! Funny, Isn’t it?

We live in an era in which, being non-committed is considered a virtue, not caring at all a very cool thing and where “love” is just a click away! 

Truth be told, Modern Dating sucks! Seriously! I’d rather be alone than with someone who makes me feel feel alone.

 Love in today’s modern world is quite a tedious task. One that carries a lot of baggage. Both emotional and mental. Trauma is the keyword for millennial love. Though everyone has it, very few admit it. Let alone take responsibility and accountability for it. Daddy and Mommy issues have possessed millennial lovers. It has eclipsed their rationality. Not to forget the ongoing sexual liberation movement that has left no room for genuine intimacy.Other than just browsing through each other’s bio online. 

The idea of “struggle love” is highly glamourised. Everyone is looking for a ride or die!

If it’s all rainbows and unicorns, it is too good to be true!

Red flags have somehow manipulated to become green.

Dating Gurus online offer vague advice. Which is not at all tailor-made! Many a times it is toxic!

 Sadly, our quest for true love is a never-ending rat race. From hookups to one night stands or just passionate flings. No matter how hard we try, what not we do. We just can’t find the one. But somehow if we do find the one, we screw it up! And then we blame our stars for it! 

But the irony is, Every other person is actively looking for it but very few understand what it actually love is. 

Love is not just an emotion. Rather a life-long commitment. This is the very reason, people of our generation cannot find it because the very thing they are afraid of is commitment. 

But what makes me curious is the fact that millennials are up for commitment. I mean we are committed to our jobs, to living up to our lifestyles, making enormous money, learning various skills to uplevel ourselves, to our diets, gym regimes etc.

But if you ask this question to a typical millennial, the answer would be, “There’s no such thing as love today”.  Or else, “Love is a risky affair”.

Focus on yourself love will follow!But aren’t relationships a major part of your life? Especially a romantic one?

Are we putting even 1/3 the effort in that department compared to the other things in life?

Why is loving someone so hard today?

There’s a big laundry list for it!

Childhood Trauma is the essence of it all.

Modern love is loaded with a bunch of toppings today!

 Lack of commitment, casual relationships, going with the flow attitude, getting into situationships, blurred gender roles, no work-life balance, incompatibility and childhood trauma.

Many confuse physical attraction with love. Later it is that they realize that it wasn’t even love in the first place but intense chemistry. Very soon the “honeymoon” phase wears away and they start questioning everything about the person. And part ways. 

Everyone around today is wearing a mask. Each one of us is afraid to show our actual personalities in fear of being rejected and never finding the one thus being lonely. What happens in such situations is people end up falling in love with the pretence, the false personality that the person showed in order to be loved. 

 Though technology has made our lives so much easier. Something the previous generations could not even dream about, it has also made us not value or appreciate many things around. Just look around, in a world where our ancestors had to literally stock up food for tough times we get everything delivered to our doorsteps within an hour. Earlier people used to wait for weeks if not months to get a letter from their loved ones and today we don’t even bother to call anyone when we can just text them. Dating wasn’t even a thing earlier. Men would court women. And in that very process, they would get to know each other, after which they would immediately get married without wasting each other’s time. Now, apparently love is just a click away. All you need to do is download a dating app and keep swiping right all day long! Lol! Something our ancestors could not even comprehend!  

There’s no doubt that our lives have become convenient but we have also taken a lot of things for granted. 

Love is one of them. I mean if you could find several options online within a couple of hours if not days that too by just moving your fingers why would you even think of committing to one person? Right!

A luxury that no other generation in the history of humanity ever had!  Or else you could go to a bar and “love” (sex) is just a few kilometres away! For both genders. 

You see everything today is instant. From instant noodles to instant shopping. Everything today is instant. Even instant love, which results in instant break-ups as well! 

But the question is, 

How long are we going to keep perpetuating the cycle of wanting everything instantly when it comes to finding the “one”? And taking instant decisions of leaving them even after the slightest fight and hopping on to the next? 

When are we actually going to realize that love is not some random app which can be installed and uninstalled because of some minor glitch? 

When is it that we stop playing games ? And actually start seeing each other as emotional beings that get hurt and we crave genuine connection?

And that time is a scarce commodity that keeps getting uglier if we have no one to share our life with. Someone who we really treasure. 

Closing Thoughts

Though the rules of dating have massively changed, the truth hasn’t.

The truth of wanting love and companionship. No matter how advanced or futuristic the world becomes humans still would need connection. One cannot deny it. 

Love is all we need and want. Without it, life is meaningless and lifeless. 

We all need people who love us, value us and cherish us. 

But this is not possible if we do not show who are truly we. 

If we keep wearing masks. 

If we keep labelling each other as “clingy” or “needy”. 

Because having emotional needs and wants doesn’t make someone needy or clingy, all it makes you is “Human”.