Life is an unknown mystery. Whatever we do in life is for the sake of happiness. We do a job because we think it will make us happy. We get into a relationship for that very reason. We think of getting fitter, again for the same reason! Whether we actually find ourselves genuinely happy in doing so is a different thing altogether! We soon realise that this quest for finding happiness is a dead end. But this wasn’t even a thing when we were children. As kids being “happy” was our only purpose! We chased butterflies because it gave us joy. We climbed trees because it made us happy. We rang the neighbour’s doorbell and ran because that made us laugh! Everything that we did as kids were because it made us smile. And then life happened! We became adults. Some kids had to take the responsibilities way before they reached adulthood. And never had a chance to live their childhood fully. Sadly, some were not even given a chance to embrace being a kid. 

What is the Inner Child?

As we grow up to become adults, we lose many aspects of our childhood selves. Surprisingly, the child within us never dies. It stays hidden. And is often termed the Inner Child. Every human being on earth has an inner child. In fact, many inner children within us. Believe it or not, your inner child holds the imprint of your core emotional self. Your child self has the key to resolving your childhood traumas, belief systems, dysfunctional patterns, phobias, fears, anxieties and so forth. Not only that it is also where your long-lost feelings of joy, positivity, creativity, happiness, curiosity, wonder, innocence, optimism, dreams, passions, etc all are kept encased. 

Life through the eyes of a child is full of hope, optimism and curiosity. But due to the cruel nature of this world, our childhood selves get heavily wounded. It not only stripes away from us, our innocence, positivity and wonder like magic but also keeps us frozen in time in the loops of incidents that were unbearable. But due to the constructs of linear time on planet earth, the human body is bound to grow physically irrespective of factors such as traumatic events, accidents or incidents. Because the physical body is designed to survive. But it is not the same with our emotional body. 

Our emotional selves never fully grow up or mature so as to say. And that is what the inner child essentially is. The inner child is the culmination of all the aspects within our personality that were once suppressed, rejected, denied, or disowned by us consciously or unconsciously. Not just the negatives but also the positive ones. It could be behaviours, habits, preferences, thought patterns, personality traits, gifts, talents, or passions. Basically, anything that got you in trouble, was not accepted, encouraged, or appreciated by your family, friends or loved ones and also by the society or culture that you grew up in. 

Why is the Inner Child important?

Though we transition from being children to becoming adults, there is still a part in all of us that craves the little things that we did not get to enjoy and cherish as kids. All the little joys that were missed, all the precious moments that were not lived, all the tears that we cried and the abandonments we faced. All these experiences get virtually documented in our psyche. They get embedded in our brain log and are the building blocks of our present personality. 

It is said that childhood is the most relaxing phase of our lives yet there are lot many who have horrific memories associated with their childhood. And this is where inner child healing begins. The richness of your adult life is directly related to the level of comfort, trust, vulnerability and safety that your inner child feels in the present moment. 

And I’ll tell you how. Even though it is pretty complex than it may sound but I have  tried to make it sound understandable with the following example,

Lucy was molested when she was 8 years old. She was so ashamed of it that she did not tell this thing to anyone. Including her parents. Ever since that incident, she afraid of men. She was so frightened that she didn’t even feel safe being around her father all by herself. As she grew she developed a huge distrust for masculine energy. She had a belief that every man is a pervert and only shows interest in her because he will gain something sexually. She felt powerless and unsafe around masculine energy. And eventually developed a huge hatred toward them because of her sexual trauma. But at the same time, she craved masculine containment. She wanted to experience healthy masculine traits, ones such as positive ownership, accountability and responsibility and wanted to be protected and provided by a man she feels safe with. But sadly she couldn’t find such a man. It made no sense. She had no rational reasoning for it. 

Because of lucy’s sexual abuse, her inner child was severely traumatized. It was numb. It got dissociated and was stuck frozen in time. The time of her sexual abuse i.e when she was 8 yrs old. 

That means in order for lucy to manifest healthy masculine containment she needs to heal her sexual wounds. The wounds of her inner child. And in that very process, her sexual trauma would be healed and her inner child would no longer distrust masculine energy and eventually, lucy would have no triggers when she is around men. And she would be to see men for who they are rather than a projection or the law of attraction mirroring up her wounds! 

Again this is just an example. Any trauma, not just sexual trauma can get manifested in many different ways depending upon the person itself. Someone may get afraid and have hatred towards the opposite gender and to some degree also become asexual but someone else might become overly sexual. It depends on many factors like the beliefs, what he/she felt at that moment, stigmas, other traumas and so forth. 

But the good news is, no matter how long it has been since your trauma. You can still heal it. This means you can also heal your inner child. Though time is an illusion it can heal wounds, provided you are ready to do so.

 Time on earth works on a linear timeline. But surprisingly, the past, present and future exist simultaneously much like a cosmic soup. What hurt you in the past can be healed in the present moment so it does not mess things up in the future. 

As I said earlier, your inner child holds the keys to personal transformation. It carries within itself all the parts of you that were forgotten, the ones that are not into your current awareness. Stored within, it has a memory bank of pleasant and unpleasant memories. And also the part of you that has frozen in time. 

Signs you need Inner Child healing:-

Emotional Signs

• Unexplained Anxiety or Depression – Feeling down, anxious, or overwhelmed without a clear reason.
• Deep-Seated Guilt or Shame – Feeling like you’re “not enough” or always blaming yourself.
• Fear of Abandonment – Feeling overly anxious in relationships or fearing rejection.
• Emotional Numbness – Struggling to feel joy, love, or deep emotions.
• Outbursts of Anger or Sadness – Reacting strongly to situations that seem minor.

Behavioural Signs

• People-Pleasing – Struggling to say no, seeking validation, or over-explaining yourself.
• Self-Sabotage – Procrastinating, avoiding success, or feeling undeserving of good things.
• Attracting Toxic Relationships – Repeating unhealthy relationship patterns.
• Perfectionism or Fear of Failure – Feeling like mistakes make you unworthy.
• Struggling with Boundaries – Either having weak boundaries or being overly defensive.

Physical & Psychological Signs

• Chronic Stress or Fatigue – Feeling exhausted despite rest.
• Unexplained Body Aches – Especially in the stomach, chest, or shoulders (often linked to stored emotions).
• Overeating, Underrating, or Addictive Behaviours – Using food, alcohol, random shopping sprees, over working or using any distraction to cope.

Spiritual & Self-Identity Signs

• Feeling Lost or Disconnected – Struggling with self-worth or purpose.
• Lack of Joy or Playfulness – Feeling like life is too serious or rigid.
• Repeating Family Trauma Cycles – Acting out patterns you witnessed in childhood.

How do we heal our Inner Child?

The inner child is your younger self awaiting redemption. It wants to be freed from everything that is keeping you enslaved. And when you do heal your inner child you will very soon realize that you were the one keeping yourself captive all this time. 

Shadow Work is the name of the game. In order to experience profound healing, the inner child included, shadow work cannot be ignored. It plays a major role in unravelling your unconscious and subconscious patterns. And many of the memories of pain, hurt and sorrow can be healed by doing inner work for the inner child. Also, I need to warn you that shadow work is not everyone’s cup of tea! Once you dive into it, there’s no coming back. It is like opening pandora’s box! A lot of pent-up emotions would pop up which you may not be able to face. You would have to greet many skeletons in the closet, which might look very scary at first. But I can assure you it is definitely worth the pain! Patience is the keyword here. But the better it gets, the better it gets! 

Love is the supreme law of the universe. And so is true with loving yourself. Self-love is one such magical ingredient that will rejuvenate you beyond your wildest beliefs. What you did not receive as a child, the thing that your inner child so desperately wants is nothing but love. It wants to be heard, it wants to be appreciated, it needs your unconditional presence, your encouragement, it wants somebody to understand its sorrow, to validate it, to be with it in its pain, someone who doesn’t abandon it, it wants someone to feel safe and vulnerable with and that is the ultimate elixir that will heal all your pain. And you need to start giving it to yourself, abundantly! 

Dear reader, as you read this, your inner child might be surprised by the fact that you two are finally reacquainted. All I hope is for you to take the time to understand your inner child and know that you are all that he/she has. What upsets her, affects you, what makes her happy, nourishes you. She is literally begging for your attention. For you to see her, to look past her flaws, to embrace her and to lovingly accept her. And to know for a fact that no matter what you always have her back and you are the one she can actually rely upon. All she wants is to merge with you. Just like streams of rivers being separated from the ocean. She desires integration. She wants to experience oneness, for the fact that she was once separated from you. She has been longing for you ever since and in that is her true liberation…

P.S. I’m an inner child healer. I offer 1:1 inner child healing sessions as well!