Forgiveness

  Morphy was a beautiful blue bird. He was wild and free. He flew, kissing the skies and elsewhere. He took great pride in his ability to swiftly move throughout the clouds. But one day as Morphy was resting upon a tree he got trapped. He could sense his wings tangled in the bird trap. He fluttered and fluttered but could not free himself. He cried for help sadly no one could hear him. Poor morphy was now caged. Within the confines of his jail he reminiscenced the days when he was free as a bird. He missed those days where he would race with his peers. He had forgotten how the breeze touched his little body when he was in flight. Days passed into weeks, weeks into years. Once young Morphy was now turning old. Nothing pleased him. The humans who had owned him made every attempt to make his stay in the cage comfortable. They feed him the most lush eatables. “I have specially ordered this guava from Spain for my Macaw” often boosted the lady who owned him. I wonder why he is not eating it. As if it is such a difficult thing to guess, gasped morphy. He soon became the hottest thing in the town. A symbol of status for the family. “I don’t want to live this life, sobbed old morphy. Suddenly he overheard a conversation about how they would take Morphy out tomorrow in the town fair for a play. That sparked a hope in morphy’s soul. He planned to fly away as it was his only chance of freedom. And the day had finally come where he did it. As the lady opened the cage to let the people touch him he flapped his huge blue wings and took a flight! Catch him, catch him exclaimed the lady! 

Morphy flew as fast as he could fearing they would trap him again. He flew way above the clouds kissing the skies after a very long time.What a relief! Joyfully cried morphy. He lost his energy as he flew for days without a stop. Alas, he found a huge tree, similar to the tree where his mother nested him along with his siblings. He considered it to be a safe haven where he rested, rested forever…

Life is unfair. Just like Morphy so many of us are trapped in our personal cages of pain and despair often caused by someone else. We want freedom, a sigh of relief but are not able to free ourselves from the very thing keeping us trapped. We try to cope whichever way suits us but we struggle to forgive . 

Forgiveness as a term is often used loosely in the spiritual communities. Many disguise themselves as self-proclaimed gurus and start giving unwanted advice about forgiving which was not even asked in the first place! Had forgiving been so easy, people would have done it long ago. Nobody wants to hold on to the pain and suffering in their hearts forever. 

Our hearts are broken. Our soul has been wounded. Our trust is betrayed. Honestly, is it a fair expectation to just let go? To forgive as if nothing ever happened? No matter how naive a person might actually be, the pain of heartbreak has taught us one of life’s important lessons. 

The heart is the first organ to be formed in a fetus. The heart beats before the brain is even formed. The electro magnetic field formed by the heart is the most powerful thing in the human body. The Heart is more powerful than the Brain. 

Scientifically speaking, the Heart is 100,000 times stronger electrically and up to 5,000 times stronger magnetically than the brain.

The electromagnetic field of the heart is what is called as Aura in spiritual terms. 

So, if the heart is so powerful imagine the impact caused by painful emotions of hurt, betrayal, heartbreak on the heart’s electro-magnetic field. 

We often build a wall against our heart when we face any traumatic event such as loss, betrayal, heartbreak. We do this to keep ourselves safe, especially our heart. Many times the pain itself is so unbearable that we are afraid of grieving the loss. So we hold on to the pain because letting go is very painful.  We go about doing our day to day activities as if nothing really happened. We carry the pain of our wounded heart without crying it out. Time flies and the aches become stronger and stronger because the pain festers crippling us by every passing day. And we wonder why am I still in pain!  

Humans are emotional beings. Emotions are governed by the Heart. It is not the brain who decides when to or when not to forgive. It is solely our Heart’s decision. Saying this nor can you cap it or give it a time limit as to this is the maximum time needed for you to forgive. Frankly, life would be so much easier that way! 

The brain is always looking for ways to avoid facing pain through various coping mechanisms like over-working, binge eating, alcohol, drugs, porn or sex addictions or even spirituality. But the soul is always searching for ways to heal it. Sadly, the heart is the one who bears the scars.

The pain that we carry deep within our heart feels life-threatening to even acknowledge. We hide it and forget about it. Little do we realise it’s crippling after effect on our day to day life and our nervous system. 

I would often wonder, Why does it hurt so much? Because I was still holding onto the pain. This realisation changed my life. It was the golden key that led me to the chambers of my heart. It opened the doors for massive healing. Honestly, I am still finding ways to mend my broken heart. But I am also very proud of how far I have come on my healing journey. 

Acknowledging my Pain is what helped me understand myself on a much deeper level. To truly know the reasons for my suffering and misery.

In order for you to truly forgive, the goal should never be just so that you can forgive. Sadly, that is what is preached by many spiritual teachers.You cannot just think it through and convince yourself to forgive. If you think you can do it you’ll be stuck. There’s a lot that needs to happen in between for you to release the pain in your heart.

Forgiveness is a by-product of  healing. I have forgiven many people who I never thought  in a million years were worthy of my forgiveness. It just happened like a light bulb moment.  After that I felt very light as if a heavy weight had been lifted off my chest. Not that it was an easy choice. It was quite difficult for me to do that and my goal was not to forgive them but to set myself free. And one fine day it just happened. 

Today I decided to forgive you.

Not because you apologised or you acknowledged the pain that you caused me.

But because my soul deserves Peace. 

And I will not deny my soul of its ultimate right.

– Najwa Zebian. 

So, take your time and don’t push yourself into forgiveness.

Let your heart be the one who decides about forgiveness not your brain and definitely not the outside voices. No matter how long it takes or even if you decide not to forgive. 

It is YOUR CHOICE and nobody gets to decide that for you. When to or when not to or whether to even forgive. And let that be an empowered choice! 

Forgiveness cannot be forced. Just how naturally a bud blossoms into a flower it is a process. Your heart needs time and space to grieve and make a conscious decision to move on and thus forgive!